Heading to the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland

As I left the farm on Friday afternoon, I got the ever familiar sinking feeling in my stomach – an utterly clichéd expression that exactly expresses how you feel when fear suddenly washes over the sides of you. Besides that and one teary moment after reading some lovely words from my dear sister, I had no real dramatic change to my emotions as I left for Glasgow and a year of postgraduate discovery. Perhaps I have just cultivated a greater talent for repression, but I like to think that after traveling more, auditioning more, being more independent, my anxiety about these kinds of situations has naturally and maturely decreased.

At the airport, I met a completely different individual going through much the same transition as me. And by met, I obviously mean eavesdropped on and watched peripherally, because introductions and small talk are not my forte. He too was traveling abroad (to London) to go to graduate school (for computer science). He was the sort of person who looks much older than they should but seems much younger than their actual age. It seems painfully stereotypical, but he was short, dated and seriously balding with a slight lisp, glasses and a passion for computers. He was also, as far as I could tell, absolutely sweet and polite and radiating nervous energy, so much so that I started questioning whether or not I was at the right gate, what if I missed my flight, had I packed my wallet…

His mother was seated across from him, although she wasn’t traveling herself. They spent much of the time anxiously checking the boarding times, and texting or calling friends and family to say goodbye. The mother was quite sociable and upbeat, chatting with the man next to her and keeping her son’s spirits up, although at one point when he was rummaging in the bag on the seat next to her, she raised and tilted her cheek and requested a kiss, which he dutifully and lovingly bestowed – a small reassurance for both of them that everything would be all right.

As we got closer and closer to boarding, he proffered a joke about how this decision to move to London for graduate school was probably a terrible mistake. The joke was delivered in that watery, half-whispered way that people use when they’re actually completely serious. It was painful to hear this last desperate cry for help. You could tell that all he wanted in that moment was for his mother to say yes, yes it was and wrap him up in her arms and take him home to familiar, to comfort, to safe. She, of course, didn’t. She did exactly what she should, and told him she was proud of him and that this was a great brave thing for him to do. She continued to utter these words of support as we boarded. He was behind me in line, so I was privy to the increasing panic in his breath as we got closer and closer. As I handed over my ticket, I heard him burst into tears and could feel the heavy silence of his mother letting him go. The fact that I could no longer see him somehow made his emotions feel like mine, like how surround sound makes you feel like you’re in the movie. I hurried onto the plane; I couldn’t handle being near him anymore. I selfishly hoped that he wouldn’t be sitting next to me on the flight, knowing I couldn’t offer him the reassurance I knew he’d need from a girl going through much the same. What do I know about what risks are worth it, if we’ve made the right decision, if life really does sort itself out for the best? He ended up sitting far across the aisle from me, and when I accidentally caught his eye, he gave me a little nervous wave. A last confirmation – I got on this plane, like you, I’m here, and we’re all going somewhere.

I thought about him throughout the whole flight. In the months leading up to me leaving, I’ve had countless people commend me for what a risk I’m taking, how brave I am, how proud they are. And yes, it is a risk to move to Glasgow for a year, pursue something that is so difficult and exposing with people I’ve never met. And I’m also thankful that I’m well adjusted enough to be able, at twenty-four, to travel alone and start over without too much emotional turmoil or fear.  However, he is truly taking risk, is truly brave. When I saw him get into his seat, I was proud that he actually got on the plane.

So, he shall be my inspiration for this year. To put myself in situations where I go to the very precipitous edge of my comfort, not just halfway there. To take risks. Not things that are commonly understood as risks, but things I know are risks for me. Here’s to watery jokes, panicked breaths and going somewhere.

LAMDA Update

After somewhat impatiently awaiting my update from LAMDA in regards to my place on the wait list, I finally caved and emailed them yesterday. They responded today saying that they had sent me an email last week (which I obviously never received for some reason).

It's barely an update at all, but at least it confirms that my application isn't lost in that little crack between the desk and the wall, or something.

Also hilariously & confusingly attached to the letter was a confusing explanation of Drama UK's policies that began with "With reference to the attached offer of a place at: LAMDA - 2014 intake." Even though I actually haven't gotten an offer.

Merp merp.

Guildhall Final Recall Audition (May 20 & 21, 2014)

Thankfully, I had arrived in England a few days earlier, so I had (mostly) gotten over my jet lag by the time Tuesday rolled around, the first day of my final recall audition. I had scoped out the area the day before so getting there at 9:30 a.m. on the day was easy and not too stressful (although it did mean taking the tube during rush hour, which is always a bit of a nightmare).

The auditions were taking place in Guildhall's new building, which is GORGEOUS and huge, if a bit streamlined and clinical. Luckily, there were loads of current students around whose only job was to make sure you knew where you were going, so I was never worried for a moment that I was in the wrong place or that I was going to get lost. We got a little information packet when we checked in, including our schedule for the next two days. The whole process was very well organized and easy to navigate. I think I was in the group with the best schedule, as we started off the first day with the movement session and then the three monologue panels. The second day was only a half day, with a voice session and then a brief interview (which was purely for clerical reasons -- checking the information you'd filled out on your application and taking your picture). It's structured so that you get a lot of time to really show what you are capable of to many members of staff, which is really satisfying, but of course there is a LOT of down time. I read an entire book (The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks -- check it out, it's just as amazing as everyone says it is).

The movement/improvisation session lasted two hours. This was the portion of which I was the most scared, mostly because the term "movement/improvisation" is very broad, and can cover all manner of embarrassing things. If you remember, that was the session at my ACT final callback that I felt the worst about, and that really put you on the spot. However, this was nothing like that. It was an incredibly relaxed, collaborative session. You were never singled out in a scary way, and you were never put on the spot. It was just two hours of lovely stretching and group movement, like "be a bubble!" For most of it, I even forgot that we were being watched and assessed. After, we went in one by one and did a monologue of our choice. I did mine twice, the second time getting some side coaching.

After lunch, we went into the monologue panels individually -- three total, each with two members of staff. I was feeling very warmed up after the movement session, which was lovely. My first panel was with Christian Burgess and an ex-Guildhall student, who is well known in the London theatre world. I have to say, I felt wonderful about how this panel went. I did two of my monologues and was given ample amount of time to work with them. For my contemporary piece, Christian Burgess directed me to do it in a completely opposite way as it is originally written -- lovingly and flirtatious rather than angry and sad. He even joined me in the scene and improvised some lines throughout. They really challenged me, in a good way, and also gave me lots of time and attention. There was a brief interview after, but it felt like a very natural conversation about me and my craft, rather than rigid question answer question answer. This is going to sound tremendously self-aggrandizing, but I left that panel thinking, "I got into Guildhall."

The next two panels didn't go as well, although they weren't bad either. I did my Shakespeare piece for Patsy Rodenburg (although not the piece I had been doing, as she seemed disinterested in seeing Imogen. So I pulled out my old faithful Lady Percy, which I've been doing for years and know frontwards and backwards). She gave me a redirection, and I did it again, after which she said, "That was better" and that was all. The final panel was with Wyn Jones and Martin Connor. They had me work on my third piece which I hadn't done yet today, and to be honest, I love this piece and I've put a lot of work into it, but it's a bit hit or miss -- sometimes I feel like I really nail it, and sometimes I feel like I'm overacting. They worked with me on it for a bit, and then that was that.

It's hard to say, really. I've been in plenty of audition rooms where I thought I probably got it, but then I realized that the auditioner was just especially effusive or complimentary, and just made everyone feel like they got it (something I hate). But I have to say, even though the second two panels were less amazing, I still left that first day feeling very confident and proud of myself.

The second day was actually pretty low key. The voice session was just a quick vocal warm up, followed by individually going in and doing some sight reading, singing your song and then talking with the voice teacher briefly about your history (any previous vocal or reading problems, etc.). It was a little strange, as they kept insisting that this session had no impact at all on whether you got into the school, but they did take notes the whole time. And also...why would you bother having the session if it didn't matter? Then, we just had the quick clerical interview (mine was literally ten minutes at most). I was all done by about 1:30 p.m., although unfortunately we couldn't leave until they had decided if they needed to see anyone again, so we all ended up hanging around until about 4 p.m. (once again, bring a book).

I returned to the school two days later for the final results. I did not relish the idea of having to wait around and find out if I did or didn't get into Guildhall surrounded by a bunch of nervous strangers, but otherwise I would have had to wait until Tuesday and called the school. We were instructed to come to the school at 7 p.m. to wait around while they deliberated. Most everyone got into little groups and chatted the whole time, but I opted to sit alone with my headphones on and read. We waited around until about 10 p.m. when someone came out with a handwritten list of names on a piece of paper. They were read out one by one, and those people left the gym. After all the names were read, we were told that the rest of us hadn't been accepted. And that was that.

My updated stats:

Bristol Old Vic: accepted!
RCS: accepted!
LAMDA: shortlisted, will hear final decision in June.
ACT: final callback weekend, chosen as an alternate.
Guildhall: final recall but ultimately rejected.
ACA: end of the day callback but ultimately rejected.
Juilliard: rejected.
Yale: rejected.
TISCH: rejected.
Old Globe: rejected.

Ten Questions

I think my family might be the only ones who read this blog... HELLO FAMILY! That doesn't make me totally pathetic, does it? Oh well. Too late.

Anyway, in preparation for my final audition for Guildhall, I've done my ten questions for all three of my monologues. It's one of those that you do, and then you just hope it seeps into your performance (as Alan Cumming said in a recent interview on Fresh Air, "I'm a big fan of seepage"). I'm not even sure if anyone other than me would know that I've done this work, but it's methodical and thorough and makes me feel prepared. Maybe that's why it's useful, more than anything.

I spent a very long time on these ten questions, so I thought I'd post an example; this is for my monologue from Summer and Smoke, the character of Alma. As a precursor, I would like to say that these are written in a kind of stream of consciousness style, and I don't really pay much attention to grammar or structure. I read the play, take notes, and then sit down and write.

Just thought it might be interesting to someone, and if not, it at least is a record for my sake. Click read more if, as the name suggests, you would like to read more.

Bristol Old Vic Result (May 13, 2014)

What a lovely email!!

Guildhall: final recall audition on May 20th and 21st.
Bristol Old Vic: accepted!
RCS: accepted!
LAMDA: shortlisted, will hear final decision in June.
Juilliard: no end of the day callback, rejected.
Yale: no end of the day callback, rejected.
TISCH: no end of the day callback, rejected.
ACA: end of the day callback but ultimately rejected.
ACT: final callback weekend, chosen as an alternate.
Old Globe: rejected.

LAMDA Result (April 3, 2014) and Stats Update

On April 3rd, I received the following letter (attached to an email) from LAMDA:

Honestly, utterly surprised. I've never felt very positive about my LAMDA auditions, as they're so quick, and also they audition in so many places in the United States that I think they see way more applicants than a lot of the other British schools for which I applied (and probably more than a lot of the American schools, too).

For that reason, I don't think I've ever been more proud to be shortlisted! It's so strange that there's nothing for me to do but wait. They saw me once, for about fifteen minutes back in February, so I'm not entirely sure how they'll even remember me. But I hope they do! LAMDA's my second choice after Guildhall (as of right now, having not been to Guildhall yet).

So, here are my updated stats:

Guildhall: final recall audition, two days between May 18th - 23rd.
Bristol Old Vic: shortlisted, will hear final decision in early May.
RCS: accepted!
LAMDA: shortlisted, will hear final decision in June.
Juilliard: no end of the day callback, rejected.
Yale: no end of the day callback, rejected.
TISCH: no end of the day callback, rejected.
ACA: end of the day callback but ultimately rejected.
ACT: final callback weekend, chosen as an alternate.
Old Globe: rejected. (I heard from them via letter a couple weeks ago, but had already assumed I wasn't in as they are HIGHLY selective and also usually call people in the middle of March with their decisions.)

ACT Result (March 4, 2014)

In case anyone's interested in the actual letter. I guess I could theoretically still hear back from them, as I'm sure people can drop out up until the program starts, but I'm not hanging my hat on that prospect.

ACT Final Callback Weekend (March 1st - March 3rd)

A handful of words to describe this weekend: bizarre, exhausting and exhaustive, inspiring, terrifying, soul-crushing, intense, horrible, wonderful.

The ACT callback weekend was incredibly well organized, which is something I could absolutely appreciate. They arranged your hotel, helped you get your flights (and then reimbursed you) and gave you a schedule of events which they followed basically to a T. I touched down in San Francisco for my first time at around noon and rushed into the city (and on the way rode the train with a very strange guy who was clearly looking for a casual San Fran weekend hook up -- yeesh).

I arrived late for the orientation, although everyone was incredibly chill and welcoming. There were about, 15 of us in total. I was about two hours into my weekend there, and I was already exhausted. Uh-oh. After a brief chat with Melissa, we were given about an hour, so I ran over to the hotel (only a ten minute walk from the school), checked in and washed my face. Despite the fact that we no longer live in an era of stagecoaches and days of travel, I think we may have too quickly retired the idea of a "traveling clothes." Whenever I take a plane, or even the El, I still feel like I manage to get coated in a thick dusting of grime.

Then, it was back to ACT for a final rehearsal of the first year's "Will on Wheels" show, which was an abbreviated version of Romeo and Juliet. Then, a small break before a reception with ACT staff and students (color me terrified). Luckily, there was beer and wine and snacks there, and everyone made a conscious effort to mingle and to make small talk. My fears of standing in a corner crying over a plate of cheese squares and crackers were not, thankfully, realized. Astoundingly, I had already started to make a small group of friends, with which I went to dinner after the reception. Then, it was straight off to Napoli!, the ACT mainstage production. I'm not going to get into a long review of it here, mostly because that whole weekend feels like a vague, blurry second of my life. Let's just say this -- the set, costumes & lighting were brilliant. All of the acting was really strong. The play itself...eh. Not sure if it was a product of the translation, or if the play in its original Italian was also a bit meh. (Ah, what a thoughtful, intelligent review. "Meh," raves The New York Times. "The play itself...eh," proclaims Peter Travers of the Rolling Stones.)

Afterwards, there was an optional cocktail reception with the students, which I went to for all of four seconds before I realized I was being far too ambitious and promptly returned to the hotel to go to sleep. Which I then did. Quite soundly. But only for about eight hours (which sounds like a lot, but it so, so wasn't) before we were up again to take a walk through the rainy streets to ACT's costume shop, a Tardis-like building: unassuming from the outside, inside a maze of rooms that went back and back and back. I got to touch the costumes used in their production of Taming of the Shrew back in the 70s, which I had watched many a times on Youtube. That was pretty great.

Then, we returned to the main ACT building for a vocal warm-up with Jeffrey Crockett, thus kind of beginning the official audition portion. I have to admit, for some reason, it was really hard for me to connect with the lesson or to relax. I think it was just the extra pressure I was putting on myself, and the fact that I wasn't quite sure when we were or weren't being assessed (a distinction that quickly became apparent to me later in the day, so I can safely say they are NOT really assessing the vocal warm-up. That is there for you and your benefit).

Next were the individual monologue presentations, which were actually the least stressful part of the day for me. That is something you have prepared for, you know what to expect and you're ready (or at least you should be). It was a lot of waiting around, and I of course was last. You just go in, do your two monologues and song, and walk out. I felt pretty connected to my pieces and positive about my performance.

Next, we had a meeting with Cary Perloff, the artistic director of ACT. It was really lovely to hear her speak about theater. She's incredibly passionate and eloquent (as you'd have to be as an artistic director). Then, a quick financial aid meeting. Then FINALLY THANK GOD LUNCH TIME. Some of the first and second year students joined us to eat and answer some of our questions, but honestly my brain needed down time, and my stomach need food ASAP, so I was more focused on that than I was on having a serious conversation with the students.

Next, we had a workshop with the head of physical theatre, Stephen Buescher. This is when I realized that we were definitely being assessed. A whole slew of the staff were in the room with us, lined up against one wall, with all the stacks of our resumes. During this whole workshop, and the next one, they were looking through the resumes and scribbling notes on it. It was terrifying despite my attempts to ignore it. The workshop started with just some general movement work in the group, which was fun. Stephen Buescher clearly knows his shit. However, it then transitioned into this improvisational work, and I felt incredibly subpar about my performance. I'm not very good at improv, unless I'm in a space with people I know and trust with a teacher who has worked with me and knows me. It's a slow process for me, so just being thrown into that situation was not good. But, there was nothing I could have done in advance to prepare, so... I tried to shake off my immense disappointment as we transitioned into a workshop with the co-head of voice and dialects, Lisa Ann Porter, which was a much more positive experience for me. I didn't necessarily feel like I stood out in any way, but I think I did a solid job. Then...just a few more Q&As with staff members we hadn't met yet, and then it was over.

I headed to a bar with some of the people from my group who were sticking around that night, and we drank and relaxed and watched the Oscars before heading back to the hotel and continuing the party there. It was really great to blow off steam after such an intense and stressful day. I woke up the next morning hungover, incredibly congested and with a terrible sore throat. I'm just glad my body held out until the end. I felt...empty. And sick. And a bit disappointed. But also incredibly lucky that I had gotten the opportunity to go to San Fran, meet incredible artists and be reminded why I love theatre. I left for the airport and returned home, where I found out that people had already started receiving offers. I heard back at the end of the next day, when I got an email saying I had been chosen as a reserve, and that I'd find out towards the end of the month if they would have a place for me. I still haven't heard anything back, so I'm assuming no one has dropped out.

So, a largely positive experience. It really is a great opportunity, and they treat you so well while you're there. They really made me fall in love with the school, so that did make the rejection a bit harder (rather than when you audition for a school you've never visited and they say no). And I was disappointed in myself for my performance in the physical theatre workshop (or, rather, lack of performance). But, in those situations, you just have to focus on the positive because so much is out of your control.

Stats

On February 26th, I heard back from George Washington University via email in regards to my application for their classical acting program -- I didn't get in. I was a little bummed, mostly because I knew that I could have done better at my initial callback, but I also knew that I hadn't done well and therefore my hopes were not that high. But, a rejection is a rejection, and it always hurts a bit.

So, going into my callback weekend for ACT, these were my stats so far:

Guildhall: final recall audition, two days between May 18th - 23rd.
Bristol Old Vic: shortlisted, will hear final decision in early May.
RCS: accepted!
LAMDA: no response yet.
Juilliard: no end of the day callback, rejected.
Yale: no end of the day callback, rejected.
TISCH: no end of the day callback, rejected.
ACA: end of the day callback but ultimately rejected.
ACT: final callback weekend, March 1st - 3rd. 
Old Globe: no response yet.

More results!

The same day as I found out about RCS, I got a call while I was at work from a number in San Francisco. Too shaky and shocked to answer, I let it go to voicemail and hyperventilated for a moment before listening. It was Melissa Smith, asking me to call her back as soon as possible. After I had calmed the butterflies (a bit), I rang her back and she told me she would like to have me come for the final callback weekend at ACT.

Huzzah!

Then, two days later (February 14th), I received this email from Bristol Old Vic:

 

Huzzah!

(More later.)

RCS Result!

A week after my Royal Conservatoire of Scotland audition, I received this email. The conditional offer was based on me sending in a transcript from my university so they could confirm that I'm eligible for the MA. So, basically...I got in!

George Washington ACA (February 9, 2014)

The last audition.

I can't even explain how burnt out I was at this point, and the prospect of waking up at around 7am on a Saturday was not a happy one. But, I was so close to being done... As long as I kept reminding myself of the celebration my friends had planned for later in the evening, I could muster up enough strength to get through this final audition.

The audition was at the Goodman, and the mandatory group warm-up started at 9:30am. I knew a couple of people auditioning, so it was nice to have friendly faces waiting for me when I arrived, making the audition more of a fun outing than a chore.

We had a really nice, long warm-up with Gary Logan, the director of the program, and Ellen O'Brien, head of voice and text. They were both really warm and lovely, and the audition room felt very relaxed and welcoming, including all of the other auditioners. The warm-up actually really helped, especially considering it was Saturday morning, and considering the week I (and most of the other people there) had. We returned to the lobby and were called in one by one for the initial audition. Because their program is specifically focused on classical acting, it required two Shakespeare monologues.

After the initial audition, we all waited around for the end of the day callback list to be posted. Luckily, all of my friends and I were on it, so there was no awkward goodbyes. I was really pleased to get called back; I had wanted to end the week strong, and it was especially nice to get some validation after my mental struggles with my LAMDA audition. Despite the program's reputation for wanting older actors, we were surprised to find that most of the people called back were pretty young. We waited in a different room for our turns, and in the meantime chatted a bit amongst ourselves. For the callbacks, they request that you have prepared a modern piece, as well as a couple extra Shakespeare. When I went in, they had me do my contemporary speech and then had me re-do one of my Shakespeare's from my original audition. I was then given some direction that was incredibly confusing to me in the moment, although looking back on it I think he was just trying to get me to say my Shakespeare piece in a more natural, contemporary tone (I have been accused in the past of "singing" Shakespeare). However, I think due to my split-second confusion, it made my re-do of the Shakespeare piece incredibly strange and muddled. I walked out feeling that, while it was no one's fault, I just hadn't jived with that piece of direction and probably didn't leave a very strong impression. When I talked to my other friends, none of our callback experiences were the same.

While I was slightly disappointed that I hadn't delivered my best, I was so pleased to have gotten a callback on my last audition and also that IT WAS MY LAST AUDITION!! That night, I celebrated with my lovely, supportive friends, first by going to the Carriage House (where we all stuffed ourselves on Southern comfort food) and then drinking and dancing. And then, of course, passing out in my bed without setting an alarm -- a nearly forgotten luxury.

LAMDA Audition (February 7, 2014)

(It's a slow day at work, so I may as well keep updating...)

I had Thursday off from auditioning, although I ended up spending that Thursday FREAKING OUT about my LAMDA audition. This is my third year auditioning for them, which is a little pathetic. I auditioned for them first when I was a senior in college, and I ended up getting wait-listed for their one year international program, but never got in. The second time was last year, when I got a flat out rejection, while my roommate and best friend got in (no hard feelings, Zoe!).

So, let's just say that I was feeling a lot of mixed emotions about having another shot.

Their auditions in Chicago are at the Chicago Dramatists building. I only got there about fifteen minutes early for my 9am audition, as the El during rush hour is the most frustrating, inconsistent public transportation system I've ever dealt with in my life. I curse it daily. I changed into my audition outfit (as it was too cold to wear it outside) and then did a few warmups and drank some water while I waited for someone to come out and get me. Soon after 9am, an ex-student brought me into the audition room, which is actually a small theatre (like, no pressure or anything...). You audition in front of Rodney Cottier, who is the head of the drama school. He is very nice but a bit reserved. He asks you what pieces you're doing, and then sits in the back with the ex-student as you do your pieces one after another -- one Shakespeare, one modern, one song. He then asked me for a third Shakespeare. He said thank you, asked me to come sit down, and then briefly interviewed me. I had auditioned for both the one year and the two year, so he asked which one I preferred. Unlike past years, I was able to confidently say I was mostly just interested in the two year program. He then asked about funding, and I was honest -- I'm not only blessed with incredibly generous parents, but I am also willing to take out loans, work during the summer, etc. etc. And...that was about it. LAMDA auditions an insane amount of places in the US/Canada, so he warned me that I wouldn't be hearing anything until at least mid-March.

To be honest, I left the audition incredibly disappointed. The interview portion is always strangely casual and business-like, so you don't really get a chance to talk about why you love acting, why you want to go to school, why you want to go to their school in particular... And, I knew that last year when my roommate auditioned, she had been asked for THREE extra pieces, so I assumed the worst and just pushed LAMDA into a dusty corner of my brain, and just reminded myself that I had Guildhall in May, and one more audition still to do...

Rodney Cottier 

Rodney Cottier 

Old Globe Audition (February 5, 2014)

After my jam-packed Tuesday experience, only having one audition sounded like a breeze! I only experience slight nerves on my way to the Hyatt Regency for my audition for the Old Globe program at 10:15am. (The nerves escalated slightly as I ONCE AGAIN got lost.)

They were running a bit behind, so I ended up waiting outside the room for about fifteen minutes. When I was called in, it went by in the blink of an eye. The two men inside the room were incredibly friendly and put me at ease. I introduced myself, did my two pieces and then we briefly chatted about them and about my resume, mostly just the fact that I played viola. And that was all.

It seems even unnecessary to blog about it, but for consistency's sake...

I did not have high hopes for the audition anyway, as Old Globe is notoriously selective (even MORE selective than all the other insanely selective programs for which I was auditioning). They also have no callback process -- it all rests on those initial ten minutes. I didn't feel bad about my audition, but I was realistic about my chances. I hopped on a bus and went back to work. They don't let you know if you got in until around the end of March, but I wasn't holding my breath.

ACT, TISCH, Yale & Royal Conservatoire of Scotland Auditions (February 4, 2014)

In the Grad School Auditioning Week from Hell, this was the Grad School Auditioning Day From Hell. With four auditions in a row, I knew things would be bumpy. The day started off uneventfully enough with my audition for ACT at 10am. They were running slightly behind but the wait wasn't too long. You are auditioned by two people, Melissa Smith (the conservatory director) and Jeffrey Crockett (head of voice). I went in, introduced myself, did my two pieces and then was interviewed briefly (I believe the only question they asked was, what kind of theatre interests you? A broad question which I used to talk about the touring production of Prudencia Hart I saw last year, which has really stuck with me. Luckily, Melissa had also seen it!). They post their list for end of the day callbacks after the morning session and after the afternoon session, so I only had to wait until about 1pm to find out.

Next was my TISCH audition, right down the hall, at 11am. We had a short orientation session in the hallway after filling out some paperwork, and then got split into two groups for two different auditioners (we all know my feelings about that set up). I went in, did my two pieces, and then the woman who was auditioning me (too much of a blur to remember who she is...) asked me a few questions about my Shakespeare and then had me re-do the end of it. I walked out, waited until the end of the hour to hear the callback list, which I was not on.

LUNCH BREAK! In which I awkwardly ran into Jeffrey Crockett. Knowing that probably he was at lunch with Melissa deciding who from the morning session they wanted to call back for the end of the day. Luckily, as I found out after lunch, it was MEEEE! (And other people...) Unfortunately, their callback time was at 3pm, right smack dab in the middle of my Yale and RCS auditions. I had to wait around until I caught Jeffrey and asked him what I should do. He said just come after, as soon as I could, so I could jump in with the group. The thought of this kind of loosey goosey arrangement panicked me a bit.

The panic continued as my Yale audition was scheduled for 2pm, and yet they had not shown up! (Horrible weather was causing flight delays -- great timing, Mother Nature!). They had to completely reschedule their morning auditions, but luckily showed up a bit before 2pm and started setting up. Although, this still meant my audition was delayed, and my stomach churned faster and faster the farther behind they got, as I had my audition for RCS in a DIFFERENT HOTEL at 3:30pm. I finally got in and did my two monologues and was thanked and told to check the callback list at the end of the hour. I waited around until the last possible second, waiting for the end of the hour callbacks (which were actually going to be held at 8 or 9pm that night, thanks to all the rescheduling and delays) before I gave up and ran to a bus, trying to get to my next audition in time.

I showed up at my RCS audition, which was at The Westin, about ten minutes late, for which I apologized profusely. It all seemed very casual, however, so it was no big deal, although meant I didn't actually get in for my audition until around 4pm (thus complicating my ACT end of the day callback situation, but I just took a deep breath and tried to focus on being present at RCS). The audition took place in a HUGE room, in front of Mark Saunders, the head of the MA program. After chit chatting a bit about my resume, I did my two pieces and song, after which he stopped me. We worked both of them -- freeing up my movement in the Shakespeare piece, and then containing my emotion for my modern. It was a pretty solid workshop, and he really took the time to talk to me about my opinions and also gave me very solid, strong direction. Then, we sat down and he interviewed me (for quite a long time, I will say). He explained the program a bit while I asked more specific questions, as well as asking me why I chose the pieces I chose, why I want to go back to grad school, what I felt my weaknesses were...it was really the most rigorous interview that I had. But it felt really, really good. Yes, it is terrifying to have such an involved audition, but it is so wonderful to know that you're getting a good chance to show them what you can do. Your whole possible future at the school doesn't hang on ten minutes that are over before you know it.

So, I left RCS feeling proud and happy, feelings which mostly dissipated as I immediately freaked out about making it to the ACT end of day callback. After missing the bus, I decided upon a peculiar running/walking/hopping combination to get me back to the Hyatt Regency and, hopefully, to my end of day callback! I was there outrageously late, and sweaty. After sitting outside the closed room, I managed to talk to Jeffrey and Melissa. Yes, the callbacks were over. Should I come back tomorrow? No, that seems too complicated. So, instead, I had my end of the day callback alone with them. It involved a vocal/breath warmup with Jeffrey (one-on-one), and then a cold read of some dialogue from a play with Melissa (one-on-one). We ran through it a few times and also discussed what was going on in the scene. Then, I did a third piece for them (I chose one of my other Shakespeare pieces) and that was that.

I checked the Yale end of day callback list to see if I had made it through, and no such luck. I have to say, I was a little grateful that I wasn't going to have to stick around until 8pm to do a callback. I dragged my weary bones back to my home, where I promptly collapsed in front of the TV. Hell day, over.

Juilliard Audition (February 3, 2014)

Monday, February 3rd (a week after my Bristol Old Vic audition and two weeks after Guildhall) began my Grad School Auditioning Week from Hell. The story of how Claire had eight auditions in six days. Surprisingly, I ran into so many people who had applied to even MORE schools than I had, and were even squeezing in random walk-in auditions. God bless (/help) them.

The Hyatt Regency is a HUGE place, and even though this was my second go around at auditioning for schools there, I still managed to get lost most every day. The immense adrenaline pumping through your veins (and, seemingly, pumping through the very concrete foundation of the building) slight impedes directional ability. If anyone is reading this, I ADVISE GETTING THERE EARLY. Just so early. Preposterously early. I guarantee you, you will get a little lost, and, if you somehow don't get lost, you'll still have the pleasure of sitting outside your audition room smugly, imagining how much smarter and together you are than me.

Juilliard's audition on this day was in a particularly maze-like dungeon portion of the hotel. I was met by an incredibly friendly woman and told to wait in the holding cell room. I was surprised by how many high school seniors were there (surprised, and, I admit, slightly annoyed as only a curmudgeonly twenty-three year old can be). I am one of those, you may exchange friendly chit chat with me for a few minutes, but I do not want to spend the next hour of this audition process sharing with you my hopes and dreams (or, in this case, my "dream role") people.

We were given a pep talk by Richard Feldman and Becky Guy. It was very sweet, albeit a little long, all about the Juilliard community and also about how they just want us to relax and have fun today, show them our normal selves, etc. etc. We then did a quick physical warm-up that was incredibly chill (so chill that there was no mistake that this was just for us, not some way for them to secretly assess us without our knowledge). (But also so chill that it wasn't incredibly helpful, but oh well.) Then we returned to the holding cell waiting room. We were split into two groups -- half would audition for Richard Feldman and half for Becky Guy.

I know it probably doesn't matter, and I'm just fruitlessly raging over some made-up injustice, but I really don't like it when they structure auditions like that. I get that it saves time (although most other schools manage to do just fine without it) but I find it a little upsetting that they even FURTHER randomize your chances. There is no way, in a process that is really very subjective, that both of the auditioners are of the same mind. Perhaps one of them would call you back, but the other wouldn't. (When you hear the result of my audition, you're just going to brush this off as me being a sore loser.) But really. Don't make it MORE subjective, please.

Anyway, after going slightly insane cooped up in a room of high school "theatre kids", I auditioned for Becky Guy. She looked at my resume, asked me to say hi to Jeffrey Carlson (one of my acting teachers who went to Juilliard) and had me introduce my two monologues. I did them, and then she gave me a small direction on my Shakespeare and I did it again. And that was all.

After waiting for everyone else to be finished, they posted the callback list. My name was not scribbled there. I felt a sharp pain, gathered my coats and left (to return back to work, oh joy). Honestly, I was still riding high from my Guildhall success, so this result didn't phase me too much, which is lucky.

Overall, they were lovely, friendly people and the whole audition had a very relaxed, welcoming vibe that I appreciated. As far as an audition goes, particularly an audition without a callback, it was surprisingly pleasant and pain free. I knew that the rest of the week could not go that smoothly.

Bristol Old Vic Audition (January 28, 2014)

My second audition for graduate school happened to be a week later than my Guildhall audition, also in New York City, which meant I got to spend money on TWO plane tickets to NYC. How lovely.

My preparation for this audition was a little less perfect than Guildhall. I had to leave my hotel room at 11 a.m., which meant I then had to waste about two and a half hours before my audition. I walked to Central Park, where it was bleak, snowy and cold, and then walked to a Starbucks close to my audition and awkwardly stood in a corner, cradling a latte and attempting to do some more last minute research on Bristol Old Vic's international student program on my phone. Once again, I emphasis how great it is to scope out the audition location ahead of time. This one was tucked away on a weird side street on the seventh floor in an unmarked building surrounded by scaffolding (the most obnoxious obstacle to finding places you've never been before).

After lugging my three bags and various layers of coats, tights and scarves into a tiny bathroom to get changed, I shivered in the waiting area, having gotten there about 20 minutes early. Quickly after, a woman (an ex-student) came out and introduced herself to me. They were running early, and she said I could come in any time I wanted, so I drank some more water, warmed up my body a bit and then walked through a slight maze of hallways to the audition room, which was a pretty bare, small space. I could already tell this was going to be a casual audition, as I dumped everything in a corner of the room and pulled up a chair. I met Kim Durham, who is the head of the International Acting Course, and the only other person who was in the audition room. We chitchatted about my resume, and then I did my pieces -- one contemporary, one classical -- and sang briefly. He then coached me on both pieces. For the Shakespeare, he encouraged me to use them more as the audience, because the character I'm playing is on stage alone in true soliloquy style. I worked with that idea, with some side coaching all the way. I really appreciated his coaching, and definitely made some new discoveries in the moment that I felt really strong about. We also worked on my contemporary piece, although the direction on that one was a little more result based and therefore felt a little odd in practice. He had me sit down, and asked that I be more contained, play it closer to the vest, until the end where the character slips a bit. He also asked me more general questions about the play and the scene.

We then talked a bit more about the program, and there was room for me to ask some questions. He then explained the rest of the process to me -- they keep auditioning people through April, so I would be told in a few weeks whether I was on the shortlist, which would mean that I was still in consideration as they finished their auditions, or if I was not being considered for the program. I left the audition feeling pretty positive, although not on the high I was after my Guildhall audition. I promptly bought myself coffee and a cupcake to celebrate.

On February 14th, I received an email saying I was on the shortlist, which means in the beginning of May I will be told if I got in, am on the waitlist, or was unsuccessful.

Guildhall School of Music & Drama Audition (January 20, 2014)

Now that it has been just long enough for me to have utterly forgotten the details of my audition, and now that the results will absolutely skew my perception of how the audition went, I have decided to begin chronicling my audition experience. While this is partly for my own piece of mind, I am also writing this because I was and am so appreciative of people who write down even little snippets of their auditioning experience, so maybe this will provide some comfort to someone else.

My first audition was for Guildhall, on January 20th in New York City. Luckily, I had a friend who lived only ten minutes away from the audition, so I was able to stay with him and scope out the location ahead of time (something I very highly recommend if at all possible). The group warm-up began at 9:30 a.m., so I set my alarm for 7:00 a.m. (snoozed until 7:30, of course) before getting up, having a light breakfast and some tea, doing my sun salutations and reading through the scenes that my monologues were from as a refresher. I left at 8:45 a.m., so that I would get there by 9:00 a.m. (early, but not too early) and bopped along the NYC streets listening to Macklemore (which would become my go-to pump up audition music, partly because Macklemore is wonderful and partly because grad school auditioning has turned me into a superstitious freak).

There were about ten (?) of us in total, and after writing down a list of our three pieces and song, we were led into the main audition room by two former Guildhall students who were running the audition. We met Christian Burgess (the Director of Drama) and Martin Connor (the Head of Acting Studies). They were very friendly and warm, and reassured us as well as they could. We began the warm up portion, which was for our benefit not for theirs, which involved moving around the space, some hug tag and creating some shapes in groups. We mimed carrying, and spilling, a cup of tea and then ended the warm up by going up one at a time and completing the phrases, "My name is..." "I was born in..." "When I turned five years old I..." "I wish that..." "I want to go to Guildhall because..."

My name is Claire.
I was born in Marshalltown, Iowa.
When I turned five years old, I wanted to be four, so I celebrated my fourth birthday twice.
I wish that I wasn't so nervous and sweaty.
I want to go to Guildhall because for the past year, I feel like I've been narrowing and narrowing, and what I want to be doing is expanding.

It really did feel that the warm up was just to relax us, to get us comfortable in the space, to wake us up, to ignite our imagination. I thought it was extremely helpful. Nothing was rushed, either, which is a rare feeling to have when one is auditioning for grad schools. We returned the hallway and were called in one by one. I was third, which was perfect. One of the major differences in the Guildhall audition was that they really encourage you to connect with the panel, to give your speeches to them. One of their ex-students is in the room, and they also encourage you to use them. I did my Shakespeare, and then moved onto my contemporary piece. After, they had me work on the speech, to make it more grounded and more natural. They had the ex-student stand up and actually work with me, which was incredibly helpful. He was very giving as a scene partner. They asked me a few questions about the piece, about the scene and the motivation behind the character. Then, they asked for a third piece, which we then worked very similarly although for a shorter period of time (I don't think I ever got through the whole thing). Then, they asked me to sing (oh horror) and about fifteen seconds in he stopped me and said, "Don't act it, just do it as if you're talking to your friend at a cafe about this boy that you met." I sang through the song, and then I was interviewed (the basics -- why do you want to go to school, how are you going to afford this, and general chit chat).

I left the room feeling very positive. I thought they had really given me the time and attention to give my best work, and I absolutely love being directed and also having someone else to play off of. Although, of course, being third meant that there was a bit of a wait ahead of me, and during the wait I managed to completely deflate my sense of pride, going over and over everything I could have done better or differently. Around noon, everyone had been seen and we were all called back into the room for the results. I ended up being the only person recalled, which was lovely, if a bit awkward.

So, with just me, Christian Burgess, Martin Connor and two ex-Guildhall students in the room, I had the recall audition. Christian Burgess told me that he just wanted me to have a conversation as myself about what it was like when I was fifteen years old with one of the students (not the one I had worked with before, but the other one). The catch? I had to subtly insert bits of lines from my three monologues while talking. I didn't even have time to freak out, as we just jumped right in! It was slightly strange, I will admit, as I felt like I was being judged on my conversational abilities. And, while it was slightly awkward, I just forgot that people were watching and had a real conversation, trying to be as present as possible rather than outside my head self-judging. Our conversation ranged from the mundane -- what are your hobbies? -- to the intimate -- losing one's virginity, deep family secrets, etc. I only slipped in around three very small lines, so when they finally cut us off, I thought that I had probably failed completely. We discussed which lines we had slipped in, and laughed a bit about what had been discussed, and then Christian Burgess looked at me and said, "Well, we would like to invite you to come to London in May for the final recall audition." I managed to keep my cool, only somewhat maniacally repeating, "Thank you, thank you thanks thank you!" We chit chatted a bit, I thanked them and the students for being so incredibly helpful, and left the room.